Asking For Help - Apparently, It Works!

Today I mentioned to my boss that I was looking for more hours and I picked up one shift this week, an extra hour on one of my already scheduled shifts, a promise to be trained on the host stand tomorrow, and a shift next week hosting!

Apparently, it's pretty common for servers at our restaurant to snub hosting shifts because you only make minimum wage, but an extra shift here and there is an extra shift, and I'd rather work three serving shifts and one hosting each week than having to hunt for another job to either compliment or replace this one. I like this job. I finally know the people and the procedures, and I'm getting better at it.

Work today was pretty average, but overcoming my nervousness and doing this made me feel like I'd done something awesome. It's not about the wimpy $7.31 an hour, it's about being braver, and asking for things I deserve. If the hours hadn't been available, I'd look elsewhere, but I'm glad I didn't let a little case of nerves keep me from doing that.

Wedding Dresses

I found my wedding dress and it's hanging in my bedroom, but I thought I'd share a few pictures of dresses I looked at that didn't make the cut. These are from a consignment store I checked out a few weeks ago, the very day I ended up finding my wonderful dress from Park Avenue Bridal. Half of these were pretty cool and could have been good choices for my dress, but the other two are better left for another bride. Pardon the dressing room mirror shots, I was all alone.

This dress I actually really liked. It's different, and I thought the little sash was a really cool addition I just hadn't seen anywhere else. The bottom (not pictured) wasn't particularly poofy, though, and it felt a bit too sleek and small for what I'd been imagining.

 Man, can you say "thin"? You can see my belly button through this dress, and the seams! I'm not opposed to wearing shapewear for the perfect dress, but the fit and the details just weren't there for me. Ah, well.

Another really cool dress, I couldn't believe how nice the straps looked. I guess their being set really wide on the bodice made it look so different than just a tank top or halter style of shirt. I love the ruched top, too. This was definitely a contender.

Oh man. This isn't me AT ALL. I tried it on to get a feel for something totally out of my comfort zone, said, "Well, that's that," and never looked back.

So what do you think? Do you think I should have gone with any of these? Of course I have a picture of me in the dress I ended up wearing, but I'm not sharing it here where Chris can see it, so you'll just have to wait until February 25th!

Weigh-In Week #26

So last week I weighed in at 157.6 pounds. This week I'm down three pounds to 154.6. Yaaaay! This is very welcome news, and reflects me getting my act together as far as exercise and eating are concerned.

Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for months.

This means I've lost 32 pounds in 26 weeks, or 1.23 pounds a week. Not bad! I've got about 8.5 weeks in which to lose my final 8 pounds to accomplish my goal, and I'm pretty confident I can do it.

How I Ate:

This week, I ate an average of 1348 calories a day, which is a bit higher than my goal calorie count per day, but I really worked on bringing my eating back in line with my goals and eating more fruits and vegetables. It's so much easier to feel full and fueled with 300 calories of lean protein, whole wheat, fruits, and veggies than just carbs, fat, and protein in about that order. I know this, but sometimes it's easy to forget.

How I Moved:

This was a great week in that I FINALLY got back into the gym. I pay for it, I might as well show up, huh? I went twice this weigh-in week, and I burned 1044 calories between the two trips. Granted, this week I only did cardio, but I hope to get back into weights in the next week or so. For now, the emphasis is on showing up, which is fine as I'm just getting back into the groove.

How I Felt:

Good. I've been a bit anxious about money, but with my week of work ahead of me, I should be fine. Probably. ^_^ As for other things, I do feel a tiny bit overwhelmed at the Big Things I have looming on the horizon, from the wedding to returning to school to Chris's upcoming graduation and (hopefully!) move to Orlando. I'm trying not to let it throw me off track from my more daily goals, the money/food/housework stuff, while keeping an eye out for what I can be doing now for the biggies. I know there's a lot to do in preperation for the wedding, I've just been a bit less on the ball for handling it these last two weeks. I should put in some time soon.

As for fitness, well, I'm psyched to be back on track and I'm really proud of being so close to my goal. If all goes well, I should definitely hit my 40 pound mark before the end date.

Free Range Kids

Today I read a really fascinating article from the New York Times, "Can a Playground Be Too Safe?" which really got me thinking about how I hope to raise any kids I eventually have. I know it's pretty common these days to want to make everything children encounter sanitized and safe, but I'm kind of resistant to that because I think kids need to hurt themselves in little ways, need to be exposed to germs in order to develop antibodies, and need to learn to be brave and a little mischievous. This is a pretty easy position to take, having no kids and all. I wonder if, when and if the time comes for me, I'd be able to stick to these ideals.

First of all, it's not something I'm 100% sure of. I had no younger siblings and I only babysit for our neighbors once or twice. What do I know about childhood development, beyond what I experienced as a child? Not much. I do plan to do some extensive reading on the subject before this is ever an issue, including Lenore Skenazy's Free Range Kids, her book about "Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry," according to the cover. I heard an interview with her once on NPR and really dug the message, I also intend to look into the opinions of people who disagree with her and attempt to cobble together some idea of what's right, but I know which way I'm leaning going into things.

What worries me when I think about my (hypothetical future) kids isn't that they'll get scratched while at the park, it's the junk television kids watch these days. It's the commercials for everything toy they ABSOLUTELY NEED right now, and it's the criminally stupid children's programming on Disney and Cartoon Network and Nick. I don't like the attitude of a lot of the kids on kids' TV, and I wouldn't want my kids emulating them. It freaks me out to think of having one of those kids who has a meltdown if he or she doesn't get exactly what he or she wanted for Christmas, and I hope that with some good parenting books and some diligence, I never end up with that.

My goal, I guess, should be to weigh benefits with risks, and not just assume that because something is highly publicized, that it's necessarily common. Consider the amount of news time given to kidnapping by strangers versus the 2009 statistic that only 115 kids in the US were abducted in the "stereotypical," stranger who wants to murder or ransom or keep fashion. Usually when abductions occur, it's by crazy people you already know, not some creeper off the street. Similarly, while it's not the most flashy news story, the number one killer of kids in the US is auto accidents. I think concern is a good thing, but if we're equally terrified of everything, we're going to stunt their growth and make our own lives fraught with unnecessary anxiety.

I can only imagine how hard it is to do less than everything in the world to protect your child, but I think that's why it's important to read things like this and learn what psychologists and others say about raising kids and not just rely on the people who want to market the latest, greatest, "safest" thing to us in the form of commercials, magazine articles, or outrageous product claims.

My Triumphant Return

Yesterday, for the first time in over a month, I went back to the gym! I've been struggling with this weird anxiety about going back to the gym, but I know that I really need to spend some calories to reach my goal of weighing 146 pounds by September 20th. I finally just told myself, "Whitney this isn't going to be the best day at the gym ever in the world, and you're not going to be doing weights or spinning or something crazy like that. The goal is to show up."

And I did! I listened to some comedy I'd put on Dad's MP3 player, drank two bottles of water, and spent about 40 minutes between the treadmill and the stair machine. I burned 466 calories according to my heart rate monitor, and when I left, I felt like a million bucks. Except for my silly outfit, red face and sweaty ponytail hair, but whatever.

Something about working out always seems to make me want to eat healthier, though I've found that simply eating well doesn't make me want to work out. There's something about the concentrated, specific act of exercise, that makes me want to make more great choices while the day long choices involved in eating properly doesn't. Just changing your diet can make me feel smug or deprived, but it doesn't make me feel quite so energized.

Weigh-In #25

Unfortunately, it's really hard to look at old weigh-in posts from my phone (which is how I'm posting this because my laptop is broken), so I don't know exactly how bad this weigh-in really is, but I know isn't great.

I'm working to get back on track. I'm tracking calories again, something I think I mentioned in a previous post. I'm also going back to just refried beans at work, no delicious and caloric chicken tacos, at least no more than once a week.

Meanwhile, I really, really, really need to get to the gym. Really. I'm paying for it, I need to kick my weight loss into high gear thanks to the last few weeks, and it's fun when I go.
I am committed to continuing the great strides I've taken so far, and I'm not going to give up at my first setback, because I know it won't be my last.

Hurdles

This has been a challenging week.

About a week ago, I got my schedule from work and found I'd be working 16 hours total for the next two weeks, something that is going to make money pretty darn tight for a bit here. Then I got pink eye, which I get more than any adult on the planet who isn't a parent or teacher. That made me have to call off one of my days at work, so I'm actually going to be working 13.5 hours these two weeks. Thankfully, Mom and Dad bought me some Similasan drops that really helped a lot. When I woke up today and could see out of both of my eyes, I knew things had turned a corner for the better. I was wrong.

My computer fell on the floor and, though it starts up just fine and makes the happy little Windows noise, there is nothing on my screen. It's black. I am so sad. I'm able to hook it up to the monitor of our desktop, so my data is accessible, I'm just going to have to wait a while before I can have it fixed. In the meantime, I'm going to be organizing and backing up my files onto my Mediafire account just in case the computer gives up the good fight (it had better not), so I don't lose all my pictures, ebooks, etc.

So. Not awesome. It's going to be alright, though. First of all, Dad's numbers were so good that he didn't have to have chemo on Monday, so they put it off for another week. Second, I managed to clean out my room and closet and they both look SPECTACULAR. Seriously, we're not talking about HGTV's Design Star here, but it's functional and clean and I have lots of room to move around and be happy. Third, I'm back on the fitness track. I'm logging my eating, making good choices (mostly!) and just trying to be aware of the impact my decisions have on the bottom line, or my weight. Finally, I'm enrolled in college! I'm going to raise my GPA! My classes are paid for and I can bargain hunt online for books and everything, just everything, is going to be great. It really is.

My Classes

I'm all registered for my three classes this semester. They're all classes I've taken before (and done exceedingly poorly on), so my taking them now will knock their low final grades out of my GPA and replace them with what will surely be a trio of A+++'s. The previous grades will remain on my transcript, but a consistent record of good grades past a certain point should be better than these same good and bad grades scattered throughout my academic record, you know? It will suggest I've turned a corner, and I have.

I'm really lucky to have the Florida PrePaid credits my parents paid for for me when I was a kid available for me now. I still have to pay fees (about $30 per class) and for my books, but having these really puts getting an AA in the next year or so within reach for me instead of only being able to afford one class per semester.

I've built a pretty good schedule where I go to school from 9:30 to 2:15 Mondays and Wednesdays, so that only makes me unable to do two shifts a week at work, so I should have the same volume of hours available to me once school begins. Three classes was the maximum suggested for students who work around 20 hours, and most weeks at the restaurant haven't even approached that amount of work lately.

Back to School

I've been going to college off and on for six years without anything to show for it, really, because I used to struggle a lot with self-discipline, motivation, and perfectionism. I still struggle with each of those from time to time (ask me about that weigh-in I don't want to do this morning), but I'm better than I was. I've proven to myself what I can do when determined, when I accept 90% instead of nothing less than 100%, and when I just do little things all the time instead of leaving a mountain of work for the last minute.

What I'm saying is, I'm going back to school. I have a number of classes I want to retake to raise my GPA, and I have Florida Prepaid College credits left in my account. I'm totally going back to school. This is awesome, guys.

Today I'm going to print my transcript, look at the three or four classes I want to retake, and start playing with a schedule. This is so exciting!

Maturity

I found this yesterday and really dug the style and the message of this picture, so I thought I'd share it. The image is massive, though, so click it to see it full size and save your eyes. Thanks to SubNormality for the awesome work!

Reflections on Waitressing

So I've been working as a waitress at an authentic Mexican restaurant for two months now, and it's probably a good time to share what I've learned and how I feel about it so far.

First of all, it's a great fit for me. I make more money per hour from this job than any previous, though my record-keeping has been pretty lax in determining exactly what I make. I made a chart today to help me track my tips per hour, and to also help me discover trends in terms of most lucrative shifts/days to work. Generally I work from 8-20 hours a week, which is pretty low, but it gives me lots of time to hang out with family, work on little projects like housework and wedding planning, and talk to Chris. Not having huge financial demands helps me not worry so much about how few hours I get some week.

Second, I enjoy the actual work. The customers are pleasant and usually not too needy, my coworkers are generally friendly and willing to help, and the work overly taxing but is interesting. I'm learning to balance plates and carry more than just one in each hand. They're horribly hot, but I'm getting a little tougher. I'm learning the ins and outs of the drinks we sell, and have improved leaps and bounds in learning the menu and questions customers like to ask about it. Closing is the worst, and for all the better money I make in the evenings compared to lunch shifts, getting two tubs of silverware dumped on you, having to wipe down and sweep your entire section, and not making more than $4.29 an hour for it is a little disheartening. I try not to let it get to me too much, though, and it's not a big deal except when I'm bitterly rolling silverware at 9:45 when I was supposed to get out at 8:30.

The tips themselves are highly rewarding, but don't function as an incentive to give better service. I'd give the same level of service if I were on a flat rate versus otherwise, and feel worse if I've screwed up an order for a guest than if I just got a low tip. It's fun getting cash every day, though, and then having the bonus of weekly paychecks, small though they may be.

So yeah, I dig it! I'm glad I have this job, because it really works for me at this stage of my life.